


For Now

by sunshineflying



Series: Kink Meme Fills [5]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Gender Dysphoria, M/M, Oral Sex, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-14
Updated: 2015-08-14
Packaged: 2018-04-14 17:11:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4572816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshineflying/pseuds/sunshineflying
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall and Louis are in an established relationship. </p><p>Louis is trans, and even though he's had top surgery and started hormones, he's not totally happy with his body. He and Niall are still navigating the intimate details of their sex life due to this, and they decide to give something new a try.</p><p>Written for the 1D Kink Meme</p>
            </blockquote>





	For Now

**Author's Note:**

> I tried my best to do research and accurately portray what Louis might be going through. I haven't personally experienced any of this, but I've read the experiences of some others (I understand it's different for every person) and tried to give a realistic approach to Louis.
> 
> That being said, this is also basically just porn.
> 
> Thank you for reading!

After a particularly long day touring – traveling to the city and then _performing_ in the city – Louis feels exhausted. He trudges onto the tour bus afterwards, spots Niall instantly, and sits down next to him. He’s crowding up in Niall’s personal space and they’re wet from the water wars on stage and it’s warm as hell, but he’s just glad to be close to Niall. They’ve been touring together, with the rest of the lads, yet he still feels so far away.

They’re on bus two, Liam and Harry choosing to hang out on bus one and work on some new tracks, too exhilarated from the performance to sleep.

The bus leaves the stadium and Louis and Niall still haven’t actually spoken to each other. It’s not really necessary, because they’re so in tune with each other after months of dating. Niall’s got his arm around Louis’s shoulders and Louis is resting his head right in the crook of his neck where his neck meets his shoulder.

They’re cooling down, and once the bus takes off onto the road, they dim the lights. “You tired?” Louis asks softly, his voice a little hoarse as he pets a hand down Niall’s chest gently.

“Nah, too buzzed to sleep,” Niall admits.

Louis hums, nodding, because he sort of feels the same, though he’s coming down from it. Niall reaches up with his free hand and places it over Louis’s. “You good?” he asks. Louis shrugs. Niall’s quiet and they sit there together before Niall observes, “You’re tense.”

“It’s been a while, is all,” Louis mumbles, and right away Niall knows what he’s referring to.

See, Louis hasn’t been all that into having sex with Niall – or doing anything sexual, for that matter – because he’s still trying to deal with the whole _transition_ thing. He doesn’t go to anyone to talk about it and he doesn’t really open up to Niall about it either.

“It’s been what… three days?” Niall teases playfully, fingers darting through Louis’s hair.

“Sucking you off and grinding on you is different,” Louis whispers, and he sounds so serious that Niall has to pause.

He’s seen this before, seen Louis get so down in the dumps about their sex life. “I know it’s hard,” Niall says softly. “I can’t imagine what you’re dealing with, but I want to help, if I can.”

Louis takes a deep, heavy breath and admits, “I just… I hate it. It doesn’t… _match up_.”

And he’s read plenty online – _gender dysphoria_ , they call it – but the fact of the matter is, he just wants to get off without feeling awkward or totally turned off. It especially fucks with his head when his hormones have given him the sex drive of a teenage boy.

But Niall’s been patient the whole time. He lets Louis go at his own pace, get off the way he likes. A few times, Louis didn’t mind being fingered, but for the most part he keeps the pants on and just gets himself off privately, while caring very much about whether Niall gets off, like he’s worried Niall will leave if it’s not good enough.

It’s always more than good enough for Niall, and he says as much. He even offers to get Louis off first, without ever worrying about whether he’ll be able to, too.

“How’re you feeling about it tonight?” Niall asks softly.

Louis shrugs again. He struggles to phrase how he’s feeling _so much_ now. But he’s got a buzz going through his body and he feels a little desperate for it, though he can’t place what exactly it is that he wants. Niall’s so patient with him, sometimes Louis doesn’t fully know how to say thanks.

“I feel like…” Louis begins hesitantly. He twists his hand under Niall’s, tracing his fingers over Niall’s before he laces them together. “I feel like I just have so much built up inside me. And I just really want to come. I just don’t know how.”

Niall’s quiet, lets Louis decide if he has more to say, before he asks, “D’you want to just… fool around? See what feels nice tonight?”

It’s different almost every time they try it, where Louis does and doesn’t want to be touched. Niall’s patient every time, and Louis sometimes feels like he has to thank him for it, like it’s not something he should usually deserve.

Niall barely notices Louis’s small nod, but he pulls him close and hugs him when he does. “We’ll go nice and slow, like usual,” Niall promises.

Louis looks up at Niall, eyes bright and shining blue, a tender gaze that not just anyone gets to see. He smiles a little, and Niall smiles back. “Love you,” Niall reminds him. “Always.”

And it’s true. Sometimes it’s an emotional roller coaster, keeping up with Louis and his naturally mischievous personality mixed with hatred of his own body and a mixture of hormones he doesn’t know how to control, but Niall wouldn’t change it for the world. Louis gets him in a way nobody else really does. He’ll take care of Niall and be taken care of in return.

Their lips meet in the middle, Niall holding Louis close and warm in his arms. Louis makes a small noise, shifts closer to Niall, and clings to his shirt. Niall likes the rough brush of Louis’s scruff – he remembers the days before the hormones, the days when Louis would lament the fact that he couldn’t grow facial hair because of _dumb estrogen_ , he’d always say. Niall hadn’t really understood it back then, but he does now.

Louis makes a move to try to climb into Niall’s lap – a move he does _all the time_ now because he knows he can grind off against Niall without ever having anyone touch him down there – but Niall pushes back at his hips. “I wanna try somethin’,” Niall whispers.

Louis leans away and looks up at Niall. He’s got pink, flushed cheeks already and his lips are getting redder, but he looks a little scared. “I just wanna try. Remember, you can always say no, Lou. _Always_.”

Niall waits, lets Louis decide if he wants to try whatever it is Niall wants, and then finally he nods. “Okay,” he says timidly. “We can… try. I’ll try.”

Niall searches Louis’s eyes, the timidity that comes out in their intimate moments still something he has to get used to. He’s learning the ticks, the little things Louis does that shows whether he truly means what he’s saying. He’s dreadfully obvious when he lies about things like this, Niall learned quickly. If Louis can’t look him in the eye when he says it, then he doesn’t mean it.

But Louis is looking up at him, trusting and sure, and Niall leans in for another kiss. He guides Louis so he’s sitting on the sofa, and he grabs a pillow and tosses it to the floor to kneel on. Louis worries his lower lip between his teeth as he watches, and Niall doesn’t let his gaze leave Louis’s.

He seems to understand what’s happening, and he doesn’t look like he wants to quit, and Niall takes that as a good sigh. Louis fumbles with the button on his jeans and Niall reaches out to help, stilling Louis’s trembling hands. “Should we stop?” he asks softly.

Louis shakes his head no, like it’s a ridiculous question and he doesn’t _want_ to stop, and that makes Niall smile. “You’re amazing, Lou,” Niall says, kissing him. “So brave. So gorgeous.”

That makes Louis snort, and he says self-deprecatingly, “You say that now, but wait until you get my pants off. Then you’ll change your mind.”

Niall sits back, balancing on his heels, and frowns. He pulls Louis’s hands away from his jeans where he’s got them halfway down his thighs, and he says fiercely, “No. Don’t say that.”

Louis sighs. “I’m sorry.”

“We don’t have to do this, Lou,” Niall repeats. “If you’re not comfortable…”

“I,” Louis begins. He stammers over his words – Niall will never get used to that. “I want to, okay? It’s just… I look _weird_.”

“You look like you look,” Niall says, and Louis raises an eyebrow at how lame and inexplicable that sentence actually was. “I mean like… I’m not comparing you to anyone. And let’s be real… who’s junk really _does_ look good?” Louis snorts at that, corners of his mouth turning up in a smile. “I don’t care what it looks like. I know you’re transitioning. I understand that, okay?” He rubs his thumb over Louis’s hand and Louis nods quickly. “I just want to see you come,” Niall admits with a big grin. “You sound so good but I want to watch you and know I did it to you.”

Louis squeezes Niall’s hand and nods. “I know.” He smiles at him. “Just… do it. It’ll be fine.”

“You can still tell me know if you don’t like it,” Niall reminds him.

“Just do it, Nialler. I want it,” Louis snaps, and it feels more like they’re back to normal.

Louis helps Niall lower his jeans and his pants, and once they’re kicked to the side, Louis looks down to watch Niall closely. Niall slides his hands up his thighs and gently parts them, and sure, it’s not like he’s ever seen before, but this is Louis, mid-transition, and he’s beautiful no matter what.

Niall traces his hand down to Louis’s inner thigh, down to his knee, and then back up his leg, teasing and touching. He notices Louis shiver, the way his eyes flutter closed, and he smiles. “You good?” he asks, already knowing the answer.

Louis swallows and nods. “Y-yeah,” he whispers.

Niall leans in, trailing kisses down Louis’s inner thigh, all the way down to his core. He’s a little hairy – well-kept, Niall notices – and he can definitely see changes, how Louis doesn’t quite look like a girl down there anymore. He’s glad for that – knows how much Louis didn’t identify that way – and finds himself eager to see how everything looks after all the surgeries are done.

He reaches out to touch, fingers sliding over the slick – he hadn’t known Louis could still get wet, what with all the testosterone, but he likes it. He’s learning Louis’s new body. “Stop staring,” Louis mumbles.

Niall looks up, flushed, and he whispers, “Sorry, Lou. Wasn’t in a bad way, I promise.”

Louis nods but looks self-conscious, so Niall leans in for a kiss. “I won’t do it again. If I do, just smack me head or something,” he says. Louis laughs.

“Well… get to it, then,” Louis whispers.

Niall wants that very much, so he leans in without having to be told twice. It’s different, but Niall likes it, the sweet taste of Louis on his tongue and Louis’s clit – grown due to the hormones – between his lips. It’s sizeable now, like a tiny dick (though Niall would never say that out loud), and he learns with one gentle suck that it’s incredibly sensitive.

Louis hisses at the feeling, fingers flying down to Niall’s hair and legs pulling toward his chest. He’s scrunched up and small, and when Niall leans away to look up to make sure that was a good reaction rather than a bad, Louis’s legs fall gently on his shoulders. “You okay?” Niall asks.

“Fuck,” Louis mutters. His eyes are dark and blown, filled with lust, and he nods quickly, too overcome to really speak. He tugs and Niall’s hair and mumbles, “M-more,” and that’s all the answer Niall gets.

He loves it, though, leaning in and making Louis tremble so much. This is the most relaxed Louis has been in his body for a while, with Niall’s mouth around his clit, and Niall loves knowing that he’s giving Louis pleasure like this. If anyone deserves it, it’s him.

Louis’s fingers tug at Niall’s locks, the strength on the right side of painful. Niall’s enjoying it immensely.

Head to toe, Louis’s body is overcome with a pleasure he’s never experienced before. His own hands have never made him get so close so fast, made him tremble with just a swirl over his clit. Niall’s mouth is hot and wet and the way he’s sucking on his clit is making him moan louder than he ever has before. “F-fuck,” Louis says, his voice shaking. “I… _fuck_.”

He’s trembling on the sofa and Niall’s keeping at it with his tongue, hands holding Louis’s thighs where his main reaction is to close them, to block whatever’s making him so turned on. Niall’s strength just adds to what Louis is feeling until he can’t hold back and he comes hard, hands dropping from Niall’s hair to the sofa to squeeze hard at the cushions.

Niall feels Louis come, feels the way he’s pushing a little wetness out of his pussy and onto Niall’s chin. He moves his mouth down, tasting the warm, salty liquid on his tongue, and he smiles as he looks up at Louis.

He looks worn out, his eyes droopy and a big smile on his lips. His breathing is labored and he’s flushed from head to toe. “Good?” Niall asks. Louis just nods.

But Niall’s not done yet. He likes seeing Louis like this, likes knowing he’s made him feel so good, and he doesn’t want to stop. He’s not ready to stop. Louis can take it, right?

A small, unmanly squeak falls from Louis’s lips when Niall leans in again, his mouth on Louis’s pussy this time, teasing the folds and tasting his slick. His nose still brushes over Louis’s clit and Louis moans so loudly when it does. When Niall leans back to breathe, he asks, “Can I finger you?”

He’s tried a few times since he was first allowed to and Louis didn’t like it, but now Louis is nodding eagerly and he slides down the couch, pushing a little closer to Niall’s face. Niall smirks. He likes seeing Louis so eager for this. It feels like it’s been forever.

Niall slips in one finger first, teasing and twisting around as his lips drag lazily over Louis’s clit, not wanting to be too intense right away. Louis is tight around him, clenching down at the intrusion, and it feels amazing. “Relax,” Niall whispers into Louis’s skin before he sucks gently at Louis’s clit. That makes him clench harder around his finger and Niall grins at the realization.

He plants a trail of open-mouthed kisses along Louis’s inner thigh as he gets him used to one finger before he gently eases in a second. Louis squeaks again – surprise during sex means squeaks, apparently – and he looks up to watch Louis for a moment. He’s got his jaw dropped in a soft _oh_ and his hair is disheveled now. With his legs pulled up by his chest, Louis is as exposed as he’s ever been around Niall, and it feels monumental but at the same time like this is just how it’s meant to be – like they’ve finally reached that last level of trust.

Now Niall wants nothing more than to make Louis come as many times as he can, make him feel better about his body for at least a short while, and of course, make him feel amazing because Niall loves getting Louis off more than almost anything else he knows.

With two fingers deep inside Louis, crooked up in an attempt to hit just the right spot, Niall leans down again. He licks at Louis’s entrance, where his fingers are disappearing into the wet heat, and then kisses up until he can wrap his mouth around Louis’s clit again.

“Sh-shit!” Louis shouts.

His hands are back down in Niall’s hair, tugging and encouraging, and his legs are spread wide, up in the air. Louis looks gorgeous like that, spread out and turned on and so, so willing. Niall glances up to watch Louis’s face as he teases with his tongue, swirling around his clit and then covering it completely with his mouth. He doesn’t stop teasing with his fingers, and Louis’s whole body is shaking as he arches his back as best he can.

“Ni, I’m -,” Louis begins, but his words are cut off with a strangled shout.

And in seconds he’s clenching tight around Niall’s fingers, so tight Niall can’t even move them. He doesn’t let up with his mouth and he crooks his fingers and then straightens them, alternating so he can push Louis through this and into the next, like it’s his mission to make Louis come until he can’t anymore.

Louis’s moans grow louder as he realizes this, figures out that Niall’s not going to let up, and as he tries to squirm away he slides further down the sofa so he’s actually closer to Niall’s mouth than he was before. “I’m – _Niall_ ,” he moans.

Niall doesn’t move his mouth far – he laps up the mess Louis made on his hands and thighs – there’s wetness everywhere and now there’s an obscene squelching noise each time Niall thrusts his fingers inside of him. He’s so wet he’s dripping down Niall’s hand and his cilt is hard against Niall’s tongue. “Oh god,” Louis mumbles.

As he sucks harder at his clit, Niall looks up. Louis is glistening with sweat and pulling his legs up and out of the way, like he’s eager for more. His lips are swollen from kissing and biting at them, and he’s breathing heavily, chest heaving with each inhale. But he’s not pulling away and he’s not saying stop, and that’s what Niall loves the most – how much _Louis_ loves this.

Second orgasm over, Louis’s pussy is looser now, ready for more. Niall eases in a third finger and spreads them out, drawing a long, low groan out of Louis’s beautiful lips. “Fuckin’ perfect,” Niall mutters before covering Louis with his mouth again.

Niall’s relentless this time, sure that he’s found the right angle at which to thrust his fingers while he works over Louis’s clit with his tongue. Each breath Louis takes is a whimper, over and over again as he tugs his legs far apart for Niall. Each thrust of his fingers into Louis echoes in their private area of the bus and Niall’s slurping at Louis’s clit and that adds to it – how obscene and sexy they sound.

Niall’s not even worried about coming, knows he will eventually but Louis is who matters right now, and he doubles his efforts when he sees Louis’s whole body literally trembling underneath his touches.

And when Louis starts to moan this time and he squeezes the sofa cushions as he clenches hard around Niall, they can both tell this time is different. It feels like it goes on forever, Louis’s jaw dropped as he moans, legs straightening with the intensity of it, pussy clenching hard around Niall’s fingers, spasms drawing every drop of wetness out of Louis’s pussy and onto Niall’s palm.

It doesn’t seem to stop, the loud moans and the waves of pleasure and the swirls of Niall’s tongue around Louis’s clit.

The world seems to stop while Niall draws it all out of Louis until he’s so sensitive he squirms away. Niall’s eyes are wide as he leans back and watches Louis, still trembling on the sofa. He seems lost in the pleasure, even now that Niall’s completely separated his body from Louis’s, and it’s one of the most beautiful things Niall’s ever seen.

He grabs a blanket to cover Louis, as it’s only a matter of time before Louis realizes he’s so exposed in this body he’s not so fond of, and then he sits down on the sofa next to him to hold him. “You’re fuckin’ perfect,” Niall whispers as he leans in for a kiss.

Louis presses into it lazily, totally sated and worn out. The kiss is open mouthed and dirty but slow and lazy, too, and Niall loves the combination. After a few moments Louis leans away and looks up at Niall with wide eyes. “Is that what I taste like?” he asks.

Niall smiles and nods. “Good, huh?”

Louis licks his lips and thinks on it for a moment. “Actually… yeah,” he agrees, sounding surprised.

“That was so amazing,” Niall says as he hands Louis his clothes back.

Louis looks grateful for it, pulling the clothes back on so he feels more like himself, and he says, “You wore me out. Like… my abs hurt now.” Louis laughs a little and says, “That was… fuckin’ hell Niall, how did you?”

“I had no idea what I was doing, honest,” Niall confesses. “Just did what seemed to make you feel good.”

“It was good,” Louis admits. “Really good.”

Niall smiles, because that’s all he really wanted – to find something that Louis liked and was comfortable with. That might change in a week, it might not change, ever, but he’s going to keep it in mind for later. Niall cuddles up with Louis and squirms a bit in his clothes. “You… did you?” Louis asks, hand dropping to the front of Niall’s jeans.

Sheepishly, Niall looks over. He’s sure Louis can feel the fact that he nutted off in his jeans watching Louis come so hard, but he doesn’t want to say it outright. Instead, he just smirks and says, “Not as much as you.”

“God,” Louis laughs. “Just from that? From doing it and watching?” Niall nods. “And _fuck_ Niall… you made me come so much, like…”

“I lost count,” Niall admits. “At the end there… it was like a bunch all rolled together.”

“It felt like it was never going to end,” Louis says.

Niall grins, proud of how good he’d managed to make it for Louis, and leans in for another kiss. Louis pulls a face this time. “Ok, now it doesn’t taste all that great. You need to brush your teeth,” he says.

Niall pouts but he’ll do what Louis asks – in a minute. Before he does, he pulls Louis into his arms and kisses the top of his head. “Thank you,” Louis mutters. “For like… getting me out of my own head. Trying that. I know it’s…”

But before he can finish whatever he was going to say – nothing good, Niall’s sure – he’s got Niall’s finger pressing gently at his lips, shushing him. “I loved it,” Niall says simply. “I will do that anytime you want me to, I promise.”

Louis’s bright blue eyes are dancing with happiness as he smiles up at Niall, and for once, he feels really good about himself. Niall hopes it’ll last as long as possible.

**Author's Note:**

> This was unbeta'd, so any mistakes are my own.


End file.
